Shine on You Crazy Diamond

I can only hear the sound of the guitar playing smooth in the background of nothingness. and a pinch of sax transitions in... and the smoke that I just swallowed, only as I try and hold on to it because I want to remain in the emptiness, leaves me. I only want to live in this music. In this moment. The song doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s just the sound of it. The groove that it carves only for me to comfortably sink in… I give in. The voice doesn’t mean a thing. It’s the sound of it. The pace, it makes me the docile follower… My cigarette moves to my lips and back by my side and it is almost mechanical. Am I even thinking as I write this… I am in doubt. Maybe I am just falling… and will continue to fall until I find a place to rest. Blankness is the ultimate feeling… time has no value. What was he thinking when he created it? What is it about this piece of sound. Is it as basic as just that… because it consumes me completely… my eyes don’t matter because I don’t see nothing anyway… maybe it is what he says… shine… I want to shine… like a diamond… like a crazy diamond… the taste of that cigarette only wakes me up to write on… I start watching the smoke taking free shape as it becomes one with space… its going nowhere… but I follow it… and as the song plays on… plays on my blank mind… it hypnotises me into a worse state of emptiness… and when I feel my fingers burn… with all the obstinate urge to foolishly follow rooted in me… I reach for another cigarette and push the play button one more time… I see the candle on my table dying out… the sound commands a crossfire in my mind to find meaning in nothing at all… and I’m looped in this deception song… it should never end… I beg for it rule my senses… foreve... be my escape... [cough]

Over the Hills and Far Away

This world can be divided into two kinds of people; Ones who live in this world and the ones who live. Both have lives. And have a choice of wanting to victimize their time to routines.

Don’t you think that life now is driven by what’s not today. Normal life is driven by what’s not there. City life is driven by what’s never going to be. People on the other side don’t understand these statements, and will never be able to.

It’s them I want to talk about here; the ones who live. Simply live. No matter what or where. That’s where I want to be. Nonetheless, I presume that I am almost there by admitting that I am not there yet.

My life is filled with everything that I could ever want to be exposed to. This and that and that and this as well. Only, it’s so much that I can’t do enough in one lifetime to fill all of that into one plate. Irony sets in when I begin to complain of monotony in life. I have so much happening in my life, I find that setting things right takes too much of my time. Sorting out problems. Planning of a hundred things that I can do tomorrow.

Exhaustion! Imagine getting tired of living life. That’s the only thing I came here, on this planet, to do!

It only brings a smile to my face when I think of what I would want to do to cut the monotony off. I want to do what Chris and Robert do in the book I’m reading right now. Now that according to me is living life. Just take your motorcycle and pick out a route on the map that leads from nowhere to nowhere and follow just that. Actually in this case follow or not will mean the same thing.

The long winding roads. Sunset and sunrises like never before. Warm air carrying the dry smell of mud and old trees. Lonely sounds of the motor as I make no change in the pace I ride at, finding no need think. Discovering undiscovered roads leading nowhere and riding off. Chasing horizons until I tire and submit to a reality that I chose to momentarily forget. Stopping at monotonous long stretches of empty, uninhabited lands and staring, this time with a purpose, a paradox…

I take a deep breath, feeling almost like I am consuming every particle of nature around me and begin to look... I search in these unending insipid spaces, something to spice my life up moving at the speed of a million decisions a minute.

Bulls on Parade

I have seen and lived in several cities over the 20 years of my life. And even now I travel. But since I live in Bangalore and mostly use the roads of this city I am going to ask my questions to my fellow Bangalore-road-users.

I dont exactly have questions to ask but I just wonder... I have been in Bangalore since 2002. The traffic here, all will agree, has been increasing by the minute. I have seen Bangalore in its earlier days as well, when I was a child and would come here only to watch cable TV in my Grandparents house, eat roasted corn in Lalbagh, visit the very hip and popular MG Road (I'm talking about those days when Urvashi used to play English movies) and wait for a goodbye gift from my uncle which almost always turned out to be a Barbie. When I started college in Bangalore it never surprised me when I noticed only few in my class actually belonged to Bangalore. In the sense, I never imagined the fact that I only had out-of-station friends can become a worry to the city as a whole. Now when I look back I realise.

The influx of so-called immigrants into Bangalore is only getting amplified. Ask anyone they'd point it towards the year 2000 that marked the IT boom that Bangalore was the epicentre for. And if you trace this back to the present day situation, you have the answers for the maddening traffic that makes you spend FOUR hours on the road everyday.

Let alone the fact that I inherited bad skin, but its just getting worse each day as I travel on these roads with so much pollution. Forget this, its not like I dreamt of becoming Miss India or something, what about the tension you undergo. It can have serious implications when one rides or drives in Bangalore... Blood pressure and tempers. One has to really be so careful because no matter what, there will be at least 10 vehicles in an hour you will see who are travelling on the wrong side of the road. Either they dont remember what's left and what's right or they just do not care, as is the case with most of the drivers in this city. I have my friends who just returned from a small UK stint and they tell me that in those roads one always lets the other pass first. This got me thinking and I just threw a question at myself, why doesnt this happen here??? But now that I have the answer I started writing this post today.

Here it is: The answer to why people drive rash, don't care about rules, cannot in their wildest dreams think of letting the other pass first and cannot have their emission checks done, and cannot drive on the right side of the road... It is simply because, today in Bangalore 9 out of 10 cars are driven by non-owners, but by paid drivers.

These vehicles include cars for personal use, rented cars, company pick-up vehicles, call taxis etc. The paid drivers do not really care at all about what happens to the car or to other people on the road, that because they are not driving, they are just doing their job for which they get paid. This is why they do not have common road manners. Autorickshaws and buses are the worst when it comes to even acknowledging the fact that other vehicles exist. This is say 70 percent of the vehicular population, the rest is still large in number. The reason they end up driving rash or acquiring behaviour or driving attitude identical to that of paid drivers is because of frustration. People lose control after the first 5 mins of driving because there are just too many people breaking rules. People tend to give up and go with the flow. In fact, at a signal most of the vehicles leave when its 20 secs to Green. And if you wanna be Mr. Goody-two-shoes and wait until the signal actually turns green, you would either be run over by buses behind, which are always in a hurry [wonder how they still manage to be late] or your ear drums would be torn apart by jarring honks from all the vehicles behind.

I have not really thought too much about an answer to this problem. This is because at the rate I am going I think I will end up hiring a driver for my two-wheeler as well, and add to the number of non-owners on the road. Seriously speaking, not much can be done about the paid driver community, but surely things can be done to stop all the breaking of rules. Trust me if I were the traffic police, I would haul up each vehicle which has smoke coming out of its exhaust and cofiscate it. The vehicle would not be returned unless he shows a valid emission test result or gets it done under police supervision.

It gotta stop. There needs to be line drawn to how much we can do this to the environment. It only disgusts me to even think about how people cannot be least bothered when there is jet black smoke that is coming out of the exhaust.

I dont get it, what are companies like Tata, Toyota and so many others doing? They sit every year to only come up with a better model of a petrol car. Which again is mostly an improvised version of a previous one. How long does a country need to take to understand that petrol cars are not the answer for a country which has a population, pollution, infrastructure and oil crisis. Countries that dont even have these issues are adopting electric vehicles as their mode of transport, whats India's problem. Its mostly the mindset, people here still believe that the bigger your car is, the bigger your penis is and the happier your life is.

I dont believe the Reva, the first indegenous Indian electric vehicle company, was laughed at. I mean, you'll see people passing wierd comments about how it looks as it passes by smoothly, without one bit of exhaust or noise. Why would any intelligent person do that? I respect people who have come up with its design, though I do agree that it could be a little better looking, but who cares? This is a start and it needs to be encouraged.

The problem is in a place like Bangalore most of the people who own cars belong to companies that pay for their petrol charges. This makes people believe it is alright to be spending so much on transport. So they do not really see a point in buying an electric vehicle just to save money. But non-petrol cars are beneficial in so many more ways.

India has a me-too attitude most of the times. When the whole world will take to electric vehicles, Indians will just about start doing the research trying to understand what it exactly is. And then the first company that succeeds in copying the designs and concept will proudly announce, actually successfully impressing us Indian consumers, that they are bringing to us the technology the world is popularly using. And then you'll have people deciding to buy it. Why? Because the whole world uses it... like DUH! By then I'm sure, the world would be moving even further, and we'll just be starting to realise.

Trust me, the next time you begin to think your sun-screen company needs to be sued, Sorry think again, its someone else who you need to be waking up.

Blues from an Airplane

Put the good news first, sandwich the bad news between good news in the end again.

This was taught in our very popular Toastmasters club. And I internalised that this is the best way to throw something negative at someone when you dont wanna handle a panic-stricken scene.

You've been on an airplane right? Doesn't it scare you when they do their "dono taraf chaar exit hain aur doh emergency exit hai. Pani mein utarne par, tairne ke liye blah blah ka prayog karen..." bull shit... It scares the living daylights out of me everytime the plane takes off. The first time I flew in a plane I remember ducking down during landing. Luckily I had my best friend sitting next to me to calm me down. Of course, he cant be there all the time. I am just not fine until I land and get out [completely out - on terra-firma] of the plane. You know what they should do... First, they should stop making movies like Final Destination or Executive Decision. And please turn off that mushy cry-y music for God's sake. Someone, please buy them a Robert Miles CD or something. And do NOT give me that seat on the wing - Pleasssseee.

And finally, and most importantly, why cant they talk about how many hours the pilot has flown and how experienced he is and how much he loves flying the plane and that he will get us to the destination safely... No... Not one mention. Their responsibility ends with telling us to save ourselves with some wierd floatation-device-under-the-chair. They need Toastmasters.

Phew!

It's another thing when the view from the top gets so beath-taking that you do tend to forget the bad things that could happen [God forbid]. Those clouds, so white, fluffy and large, make me wonder where they are headed. The sky looks so blue; makes me wonder which version of Adobe Photoshop God must be using! And that reminds me I can take some pictures, so I find my batteries , fix it up and click some.

What song's playing on my mind? 'I just called to say i love you' 'Another day in paradise' words' [Fault: you-know-whose] Are you kidding me??? No, I do NOT want to be thinking of these songs now. Now is not the time. I can almost see a whole state that I'm flying over and the beautiful clouds, beckoning me to just jump onto them. Will there be little people there to catch me when I fall? Will I reach another world? The view just triggers your imagination and leaves you wishing you could be part of a fairy tale, so that you could watch yourself have all the fun one day.

What songs I strain hard to remember? 'Wish you were here' 'Knockin on Heaven's door' ...They never come.

Stairway to Heaven

Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

Three days ago I asked one of my good friends whether he has ever been to music concerts. He said he hadnt because he dint have company that was good enough. I then ask him flirtily [if there's a word like that] which concert he would want to go to and with whom. Returning the favour, and very obviously he wanted to go with me. But here's the best part: He wanted to go to Woodstock 1969 with me.

This was 3 days back and i havent stopped thinking about Woodstock since.
Rohan, I wish we could really go back in time. But Thanks for this imaginary journey and a natural high you've set me upon.

I know i may be sounding really narrow minded when i say the era 'rocked' coz its not only the musicians that existed on the face of the earth during 1960s. But, the decade was 'happenin' in the true sense. That's when Woodstock was conceptualised and actualised, to begin with. Neil Amstrong did what he did, in the 1960s. The hippie culture, which was a religion of its own. Who cared about anything but giving free love. It was all about communicating. Connecting. How the whole nation's youth came together to protest against innocent soldiers dying at Vietnam for no good reason.

Sometimes I wonder if it is the place or the time that affect people, events, thoughts, innovations. I ve never got a 100% answer. Its always a composite force; place, time and the history of the place play their roles.

Look i have not done any kind of research on what happened in India or any other part of the world during the 60s. So dont call me a nation traitor or some wierdo who is obssessed with everything 'phoren'. But, frankly Rock n Roll was the best gift to the world from the early UK and US bands. It can get you high. Really. And im not talking about the drugs and all the other taboos associated with this period, coz dont think thats cool anyway. But the music is all i care about.

Surekha, i wanna give you a big hug and a kiss for introducing me to this world of music. Especially, Led Zeppelin. I never understood how much music can affect someone. You made me realise. Thanks Pa for making Surekha inseparable from your collection of Rock n Roll. This feels amazing.

Coming back to Woodstock 1969... you just have to read this to know what went into creating a landmark in time. This is written by Elliot Tiber, a member of the organising team of this Mega event. http://www.woodstock69.com/wsrprnt1.htm. Make sure you're truly interested in reading this before you click this link (it's long and its 19, 000 words). Else pls just make do with my little blog. Thanks.

I have not worked even for a second without my earphones on, for the past 3 days. And trust me Live versions of the songs can make you go mad. It can get you to hallucinate. It can be any song you like. I have stuck with Stairway to Heaven (Live) for the past 24 hours. (thats 8*3) I have heard this song over and over again and cannot stop closing my eyes and nodding to the beats every single time. I hate my phone ringing now. [so if you've heard me say 'i have work, i'll call u back', sorry i was lying] Even when I go home, dinner is plain disturbance, when I sit down with my guitar. I have been fantasising a time machine that can take me back in time just to experience this hallmark of an event...

I only wonder what goes into making songs that sweep people off their feet, whacks them off their minds for decades and decades after. There's one thing i realy like about what they say about woodstock:

Thousands left the Woodstock event with a totally different outlook on life; and through it all, the Music flowed.

500,000 young citizens were virtually left on their own and discovered the words Sharing, Helping, Consideration, and Respect to be very powerful. It was 3 whole days of continuous music. It was eating and spending time in a misrocosmic society, all under the morning sky and the stars. Who would not want to have been there.

Altamont speedway, the Mick Jagger sponsored event, was another big one, but just a wannabe-woodstock sort of an event. He made some wrong choices [fine i wont laugh]. In anycase, I wish i could see something like this happen in my lifetime.

For those who are reading this and have never had the passion for music... I dont think you've ever heard music in your life. Coz its not about what kind of music it is, but how you look at it and let your mind absorb every note. That's when you'll see how it becomes like a drug. An addictive urge. And you'll have a different outlook on life.

And as for us sisters and brothers of the music crazy fraternity, Lets keep the music flowing.

ps: While I was reading this Rockumentary, all I could think of was about making a movie on 'how woodstock happened'. If anyone of you has some similar ideas, lets just get together and get rockin... Im very serious... I wanna film the-making and the concert itself - wonder who all will play!!!

The Rain Song

There's heat. There's anger. There's expectation. There's emotion. There's hatred. And you're in the middle. Don't deny there isn't music playing in the background; in your acoustic brain. Every moment of my life, i can associate with a song. Yesterday, I planned to say something to him so that it could evoke a response i had dreamed of. [strings. already.] I say it exactly how i had heard it in my rehearsals. [applause.] And i wait. Its not that the reaction does not match with my plan, but there isnt one at all. [off tune. shit. jazz is it?] I cannot figure even one remote reason how it could turn out that way. which is always the case. [warning sign.] Im ok. Im comfortable. I have been here before. Many many times. I turn around, slyly change the imaginary script. [there's always a back up.] I know i have to head home in the rain. Not feeling good about anything. [yesterday.] [stop.] I need to start my bike. And turn down that tear that has threatened to swell up. I put my head up and take off. [turn the page.] I feel strong. The rain's beating down. I thought it would be harder than this. I feel drops of fresh May rain trickle down my face in an orderly style; that's my rhythm. My video. My spar. Just all mine. Still going strong. Stronger now.

And suddenly, the rhythm breaks. [%*@#!] Did that drop break the rules? What was it? [The scientist.] [Rush of blood to the Head.] I cannot handle it. I did not plan this either. No... that alien droplet could not have been a tear. It should not have been. [Amsterdam.] I cannot stop it now. That's nine minutes already. Its still not gone. I want metallica back in my head. Its an order. Now. [Stuck in the moment.] The rhythm is a forgotten thing. The song is like radio; I am not listening. I am straining to keep my eyes open. There's water everywhere. Its freezing. There's rain on my helmet. There's rain on my spectacles. There's an ocean pouring out of me; my eyes. This was wrong. Wasnt it? I was taught to be strong. But, i thought about it now. I do not have to be strong, so strong all the time. Its ok to give in sometimes. What the heck? [Najaanay kyon.] I am drenched. I'm soaked. I'm cold. But, did i care at all? I was loving it so much. I did not even remember why i was singing these songs. [with arms wide open.] But they never fail to save the day for me. My shiver now was my rhythm. Boy, you should feel this to know heaven. [coming back to life.]

fade to end...

Ima get get get get you down

Just Push Play

So yesterday it rained after 200 days of scorching heat (told u i like to exaggerate) and that's what got me thinking. I had to create this blog before my head burst with so many teeny-weeny things throbbing my grey cells for attention, which im too lazy to give. And I'm so relieved now that i have created this Blog. I mean now freaks like me, who think too much, can read what i feel. And listen, dont blame me if i've written down what u were thinking yday, im not going to feel guilty for being the quicker one... will write my first actual story tonight. So come back here...