Lost for words

You know how you have a dream and then all you can do is think about it… and think about chasing it. You start day dreaming about the dream coming true… it is the best stage of anything that happens in ones life. The chase. The chasing of the most amazing dream. All things look so different when they are a dream. They are so beautiful. So far away. It’s a dream. A dream is a dream is a dream. It’s almost an occupation. Chasing it, doing whatever it takes to get there.

Then comes a time when you know it’s near and it gives you an adrenalin rush and things appear to be moving so fast and it almost feels like you are in a race to reach somewhere… this has happened to me more than once so I know this is the exact way things happen. Sometimes it feels like you’re flying out of your own body and watching yourself race ahead. And that smile is so un-wipe-able. You’d have no clue where you’re headed but it’s this race that you know you’re enjoying.

When you can see the end of this, there are butterflies in your stomach. You try hard to not let that smile turn into a scream. The kill. There it is… and your hand rises up in joy of this illusionary victory that only you can understand and you stretch your legs and jump. And thud. Your feet planted on the ground, sometimes they hurt. And that’s it. That’s the kill. And that’s the end. All that exciting chase is over. Phew. You breathe as you and the one that played ‘you’ in the race become one again.

It’s all fun and I am content. But it’s the after thought that gets me to write shit like this. I have no words for the things God works out. Why the hell do the dreams look so glamorous? Especially when they’re far. Although you’re so passionate for every single task that getting there might need. But when it comes and lands in your hands, why doesn’t it look as beautiful? Does it take time for it to settle down? By then the achievement might hold only little meaning. It’s a play of time. I have no clue what happens. Or why.

Sometimes you unknowingly look for contrasting emotions within to realize how happy or sad you might or should be.

I was enjoying the most awaited rock concert of my life; I have no clue how happy I should have been feeling because this had never happened to me before. Getting to the concert, standing in the cold under the sunset waiting for the start. And then, it begins, and the whole place seems to be vibrating with one sound. I almost felt like the aliens might just come down to Earth because of the strange dreamlike power the loud music in the open space has with which moves people from inside the head. But when I was watching the concert I just stood there waiting for it to sweep me off my feet. Waiting for it to be just like my dream, my imagination. At some point, my imagination and reality did meet. I recognize those few moments distinctly by the kind of movement my head was doing; my eyes shut tight, just like my mouth would have been if I had to speak then. I would not have had words to express. None would suffice.

In two slow hours, something I’ve waited for so long was over. Something that I had dreamed of, had imagined in my dark room was over. And what was I supposed to feel then. Happy or sad. Sometimes it is all so confusing. Considering all that passion, I did know that, technically, I needed to be feeling happy. So I sub-concsiously picked this one emotion to dwell on. The one that I knew is exactly opposite of what I think I should have been feeling. This only woke me up and made me believe that I was, in reality and most certainly feeling Happy. And that I had gone for the Kill, finally. And that I am to put it behind me now. The moment had passed. The chase was over.


I want to, I choose to live in the dreams. In the future. Coz nothing is worth it when it comes your way. Trust me…